It is easter and I have not been out of the house. It is cold outside, so I just don’t feel like going out. I don’t have many friends, so I am rarely invited places, and even if I am invited, I often reject the offer because I consider it a hassle to go. It is paradoxical because I feel mild loneliness but at the same time I am repulsed by humanity.
When I talk to colleagues at work, they always talk to me about their latest weekend adventures, e.g. skiing or hiking in the mountains, going to music festivals, etc. Now that I am in my early thirties, many people my age are married and have children, so they do family activities, and there some DINKs as well who spend their free time holidaying or playing with their dogs.
Meanwhile, the way I live now in my early thirties earning six figures is no different to the way I lived when I was a university student, that is, with my parents mostly staying at home indulging in electronic entertainment. Now that I am older, I am less ashamed of my lifestyle, and there is a rebelliousness in me now. I want to defend this lifestyle.
Some things have changed. Rather than read books from the library, I read ebooks now. I still watch YouTube, but I prefer higher quality films and shows streamed via Netflix. I am still an avid reader of everything on the internet.
I still travel. About a year ago I travelled by myself to Bali, and I met some girls while travelling and have mostly kept in contact with them. When I travelled to Bali, I was strongly encouraged by my manager to travel because I had too much annual leave accrued. I have heard people telling me it’s illegal for an employer to force employees to take annual leave, but I sometimes don’t mind having my hand forced in certain situations.
Upon reflection, I am quite lost in my life because I don’t really know what to do. My main focus has always been on freedom and autonomy by living off dividends, and when you have the freedom to do what you want, oftentimes you don’t know what to do because nothing seems to provide any significant happiness, and I suspect nothing will. Nevertheless, having the freedom to be able to experiment with different activities is in itself satisfying.
I feel that my career has stagnated. I received a promotion about three or four years ago and since then I have applied for a handful of jobs with more responsibilities, but I haven’t been successful. I will continue to apply for promotions or better jobs, but I see it as just a chore. I feel like I am just going through the motions, and I show up at work because I have nothing else to do in my life. If I stay home, I would just sit in a room all by myself whereas work does give me companionship because I am around people, and I talk to them. I admit that the connections you make with colleagues at work are not as deep as, say, the connections you make with a spouse or family member, but I have learned to appreciate the benefits of superficial relationships now. Greater connectedness to others exposes your vulnerabilities, which invites conflict, and often when others reveal themselves too much, what they expose is quite vulgar. The interactions at work are sanitized by HR guidelines, anti-discrimination legislation, fear of authority, etc, and these forces seem to do a good job at making socializing at work more pleasant. Many people complain about “political correctness,” which to me is roughly defined as “restricting behaviour to minimize offending others.” I personally love political correctness. Why would anyone want to be exposed to an environment in which they are bombarded with people, ideas, conversations, etc that are offensive? You can grow a thick skin, but at the end of the day, everyone is offended by something. Blocking offensive communications is not about being afraid of truth. The truth is that there are many out there who only want to offend others without any regard for truth or logic. Trolls don’t just live on the internet.
I now have a desk with a window view facing the city, so I can see skyscrapers and busy streets below, and often I love staring out the window at people walking on the streets. There is a homeless woman who sits on the street at the bottom of the building opposite mine, and I see her all the time, and I often think about her life and how she ended up where she is. We all live together in this city but we all go through different paths in life.
Because work for me has become very comforting and pleasant, I spend a lot of time at work. Often I am not working hard enough during the day, so I need to stay back to catch up.
I will continue to live off dividends. I believe it is the best way to live. Everything I earn from work, I invest, and I live off my investments. This ensures that I am not dependent on work. Even if I am fired, it does not matter because I already live off my investments. I can work how I want to work. If I don’t like where I work, I simply move, and I am very happy to hire career consultants or other professionals to help with the move. If all efforts to move to a new job don’t work, it doesn’t even matter. I can travel to Thailand and start my own online business or I can freelance. I have layers upon layers of backup plans for everything.
I will always work because I love making money and growing my investments. My investment portfolio is like a child to me. I love watching it grow. I love protecting it by diversifying government bonds or gold mining ETFs into it. It is a beautiful child (in my opinion), and unlike a human child, my investment portfolio pays me money in the form of dividends. I love to work, but I don’t like to work hard. I hate pushy people and unrealistic deadlines. I want to enjoy my work. I want to work with people I get along with. I don’t think the job I do right now is the perfect job for me, but I am hopeful I will land in that perfect job one day.