Exit, Voice, and Loyalty: The Elements of a Good Relationship

The quality of your relationships with others (e.g. business, family, or intimate relationships) depends on:

(1) your ability to exit the relationship (dependence is slavery),
(2) your ability to voice your preferences in the relationship (assertiveness), and
(3) your ability to be loyal should the relationship be mutually beneficial.

Don’t be Desperate

If you’ve been to a developing country, chances are you’ve walked along the footpath and you’ve had people coming up to you trying to sell you things. As I was walking around in Kuta, Bali, there were many people sitting on stools on the footpath. These people look poor in that their hair is all over the place and their clothes look dirty. When they see you, they likely assume you are rich and immediately try to sell you something, and the immediately knee-jerk response is to just say no.

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Kuta, Bali

If a ship you are in hit an iceberg and everyone had to jump into the ocean, some people may have life jackets while other would not. If you had a life jacket and were floating in the water, but you see someone who does not have a life jacket and was struggling to keep his head above water, you’d be reluctant to help the man, not because you’re a bad person, but because you know he is desperate, and desperation drives people to do whatever they can to survive, and if you try to help the man, he may through no fault of his own try to steal your life jacket, and you may drown instead of him.

It is the same with the man trying to sell you things on the road. You know he is desperate. Chances are the products don’t have any price. There is an expectation that you haggle over the price, and you just know that he will try to rip you off, so the initial reaction is to just say no and get away. At least that’s how I feel.

The same applies to relationships. If you’re with a girl and suddenly she seems clingy and desperate, that is, she messages you all the time asking to meet up with you, then it’s the same knee-jerk response. You immediately try to distance yourself because you know that desperation drives people to do crazy things, and a desperate girl might pressure you into marriage or children even when you may not feel ready for that.

A relationship is like sales. When you’re with a girl, she is providing female intimacy, companionship, as well as other hard-to-define services, and you are providing something of value back to her as well.

The retailers you feel comfortable with are those that don’t push you overtly. When you’re in an Aldi store, you don’t feel any desperate person trying to pressure you into buying their almond milk. It’s there on the shelves. The price is clearly labelled. If you want it, bring it to the checkout and pay for it. If you don’t want it, just walk away. There’s no pressure on you. You can feel that Aldi is not desperate at all. Aldi is a huge business.

This lesson should be applied to your business and relationship dealings. Don’t be desperate because people can detect desperation, and desperation repels people.

When you are in a relationship with someone, don’t behave as if you must be with them. You need to have a life of your own. Don’t be desperate.

Even in your career you should not be desperate. Too many people, once they get a job, they buy a house and take on a large mortgage, borrow money to buy a nice car, get married, have multiple children, and go on multiple expensive exotic holidays, and these high expenses and high debts make them dependent on their job, and if there is suddenly a recession or if there are job cuts, they go into desperation mode, and employers can smell desperation. It is best to keep your expenses low and invest surplus cash so that you are less dependent on income from work because you are building up income from investments. Passive income makes you less dependent on your employer.

 

The Benefits of Casual Relationships

I’ve been single for a few months now since breaking up. When the relationship ended, it felt like a huge weight was off my shoulders. The mistake I made, I think, was not really understanding myself and thinking that a normal relationship was for me. Now I am starting to think that I should not be in a normal relationship because I don’t want the commitment, the obligation, the expectations, the effort, and the drama. It is better to be in a casual relationship.

Luckily for me, there are a number of websites on the internet that cater to casual relationships. In fact, the internet caters to all sorts of types of intimate relationships. I love internet dating. Using friends or family for dating is horrible because, if things go wrong, your relationship with your friends and family can suffer. Dating someone at work is even worse because, if things go wrong, you will continue to see her again and again.

In fact, I believe that even friendships with colleagues shouldn’t go too far. This is a mistake I have already made. I became good friends with a work colleague, he behaved badly to me, and now I distance myself from him, but he is needy and keeps pursuing me. I am reluctant to be frank with him and tell him to piss off because I don’t want bad blood with anyone I work with. After all, he might be my boss one day.

A website I enjoy using for casual relationships is whatsyourprice.com. The idea behind this site is simple: you offer to pay money to women in order to buy a first date. For example, you see the profile of a girl you think is nice, you offer her $100 for a first date. She can accept, reject, or counter the offer with an offer of her own. What I find is that, when you are willing to pay money to women, suddenly they are very keen to see you.

Different dating websites attract different types of girls. One of the benefits of WYP is that the girls here seem to be interested mainly in casual relationships. Supposedly, girls on a mainstream site like eHarmony are all looking for marriage, so if you are not interested in marriage, it is best to avoid this website.

Some people say that paying women for relationships is a waste of money because girlfriends are free. However, I disagree. With traditional dating, you must engage in the entire courtship ritual, e.g. show interest in her, flirt, talk to her, act witty and confident, dress well, ask her out on a date, touch her appropriately, and then after a few dates there may or may not be sexual intimacy. By the time you reach the third date, you will have spent thousands of dollars on gifts, restaurant bills, clothes, and so forth. If the relationship goes well, these costs don’t disappear. They stay high. If you marry, expect the costs to skyrocket once you start paying for engagement rings, marriage ceremony, mortgage, and children. So whether you go with a girlfriend/wife, sugar baby, escort, or prostitute, you will end up paying the same in the long-run. The difference is the level of honesty. The girlfriend/wife will expect you to waste money on gifts in order to prove your earning potential whereas the escort/prostitute will just send you an invoice. Prostitution and marriage are both mechanisms that facilitate the exchange of money/power and female intimacy. Whereas prostitution is subject to market forces, competition, and efficiency, marriage is subject to high entry/exit costs, vendor lock-in, inflexible contracts, and a reliance on old-world customs and rituals rather than an efficient price mechanism.

For young men out there, I recommend they try seeking casual relationships online. Set a certain budget for “female intimacy,” say, $500 per month and then keep track of how much cash you hand over to the girl. If you are poor and cannot pay much, simply seek out older or bigger girls. The reality is that highly cashed up men tend to seek out thin and young girls, resulting in price bubbles. Older and larger girls are more reasonably priced. Over time, if you save up and invest in income-producing assets, your total income will rise, and your budget for female intimacy should also rise.

One additional point I’d like to emphasise is if you do decide that mainstream dating and marriage is not for you and you end up seeking more “market-based” solutions, I recommend keeping it to yourself. Don’t tell your friends, your family, or even the girl you are in a casual relationship with. Just give her cash and tell her it is to help her with her living expenses. I do not recommend honesty in real life when it comes to paying for female intimacy. Right or wrong, there is too much stigma in this area. If you don’t believe me, read up on the following people: Craig Thompson, Eliot Spitzer, and Tiger Woods.