Getting Lost in Routine and Remote Work Dystopia

The last few weeks have been interesting because I really feel like I am back in my routine (wake up, commute, work, commute back, shower, dinner, Netflix, and sleep). There have been days at work when things became overwhelming, and I felt some pain, but the pain is quickly forgotten later as it is swallowed up by other pain. Memories of the pain get lost in the routine.

The wage slave’s boring routine life is such a cliche, but it seems I am now living that cliche. In a way, I want to escape the routine. Lured by flight discounts, I have booked flights to Bali this December, but now I somewhat regret it because I just feel a reluctance to go beyond my routine. Maybe I am just getting old. I could go out and spend time with friends, but I feel tired of that now, and I’d rather just stay home, but when I am by myself I do feel lonely, and I do crave companionship, but I feel there is no one for me because I am too different to others, and the effort to find suitable people is not worth it because the time or effort to search and filter through people is too high, and the risks are too high. I’d rather just stay at home and comfort myself with electronic entertainment. It is what is most comfortable, but I remember someone at work once told me that comfort and pleasure does not give you happiness.

I spent a lot of time working nowadays. My manager has put a lot of work on me, but I feel I cannot push back because he recently promoted me, and I do feel some loyalty to him, so I have been trying to keep on top of the work by working weekends. Flexible working culture is starting to take off at my workplace, which I think is great, but sometimes I wonder whether it simply encourages people to work beyond their normal hours. Those who work extra remotely have an advantage over those who don’t because they are able to generate more work, and those who don’t work extra will be forced to work weekends in order to catch up and stay competitive against everyone else who works extra, so it creates a race to the bottom where everyone will be working all the time. I can imagine a remote work dystopia in the future where workers are constantly working. To squeeze as much work from them, there are no lunch breaks. Workers drink soylent for energy and nutrition. In fact, when you think about it, the current average lifestyle is not efficient. For example, commuting takes out one or two hours every day when you’re on the train doing nothing, and cooking and preparing food and cleaning up after also takes up large chunks of time. There can probably be some efficiencies there, but there is certainly a dystopian vibe to it.

Am I Misanthrophic?

I hate people. I am a misanthrope. There are times I feel lonely, and when people keep telling me how important it is to have friends and companionship, I give in and make an effort to make friends. When at work, I’d build relationships because everyone knows it’s important to network.

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But inevitably when I try to integrate myself into the world, I am so repulsed by how vulgar people are that I would quickly isolate myself again. I won’t make contact with my friends ever again, and if they invite me over, I’d reject a few times just to make it clear that I don’t want their friendship.

And I’d be lonely again, but it’s a comforting loneliness. When I think of how bad people are, it makes me thankful that I am isolated.

Of course, if you isolated yourself completely, you’d need to quit work, and if you have bills to pay then you’re out of luck because you have to work to make money. Work is a necessary evil.

Luckily, I have a job, and the job is not too bad. At work, I pretty much keep to myself and don’t get too involved in anything. I try not to make friends with anyone at work. I understand from experience that deep friendship at work can have bad outcomes.

I don’t mind working at the moment. I will continue to work, I will continue to save up, and I will see how long I can last in this organisation before they kick me out.

We live in a crazy world filled with evil people, and it’s important for everyone to have the ability to isolate himself from the world and live like a hermit if he wishes to. Sometimes you feel so drained by humanity that you absolutely must check out and live by yourself. This is what I plan to do. As I said many times already, I think I can currently live off interest and dividends, but only if I live in a country like Thailand, so I will continue to work and save and to accumulate recreational leave, and when thing get really painful for me, when I cannot take the world, then I will take a very long holiday, maybe two to four months off. I just want to see if I can live off interest in another country all by myself. Only then will I know that I can really be independent.