Benevolent Sexism

In my free time, I often read old blog posts to remind myself how much I hated my job in the past, but things have changed now. When you endure the pain of work, often things change. Workers around you change. People move on. Suddenly I am surrounded by better workers and suddenly I enjoy my job. However, just as things can change for the better at work so too things can change for the worse, which is why I live off dividends and minimise obligations. I live as if employment termination is imminent.

Something I have noticed is that there are many powerful women in my organisation and that the line between me and the man in charge of the organisation is mostly filled with women. I may have had an issue with this earlier, but I’ve had a change of heart, and I don’t mind women occupying positions of power in society. I find I don’t mind treating women better than men. I open doors for them and even walk with them through dark alleys to protect them. I wouldn’t call myself a feminist because feminism implies equality. I now believe in benevolent sexism. Of course, when I behave like this around women, I’ve had men tell me that women won’t love me because I am nice to them. These men are typically married and feel as if they can teach me a thing or two because I am single and therefore must be desperate to do whatever I can to attract women. Their great value-add is that women do not love nice guys. They tell me this as if it were such a huge revelation, a secret that only the smartest men know. According to these people, I need to display more dominance if I want to be loved. I need to rough women up and put them in their place. They are begging to be dominated by powerful men. To be honest, it is annoying when people impart this advice on me because clearly they look down upon me as if I am inferior, and the solution to my problem, according to them, is to spend more time trying to conform or do whatever is necessary to impress others. What ever happened to just being yourself?

Nevertheless, I do want a girlfriend. However, I am content being single, and I am prepared to be single forever. I suppose I am selfish because I do want a girlfriend but I don’t want the commitment. I don’t want the obligation. I believe in antiobligationism, i.e. do whatever you can to minimise obligation whether it is financial obligation (e.g. debt), legal obligation (e.g. marriage), or social obligation (e.g. customs, norms, or tradition). The minimisation of obligation and control over the “direction of flow of obligation” is central to freedom and autonomy (see The End of Slavery: Why I Live Off Dividends).

When I had a girlfriend in the past, I complained about how expensive it was to take her out all the time, but it’s been a long time I’ve been single and I find I am losing passion in my life. I don’t look at travel or going out as something enjoyable anymore. If there is no one to go out with or travel with, I feel I am wasting my time. I am saving a lot of money, but now that I have more passive income and therefore more money budgeted for spending, there is little I can do other than make the routine of work more comfortable or luxurious.

I notice that many people at work go to incredible lengths to save money. During lunch they bring their disgusting smelly food to work, and they wash their plates after they’re done eating. They drink instant coffee at work. They wear old clothes. They do whatever it takes at work to slave away and save money, but then outside of work these people splash out and go on consumerist binges. They have multiple children, they go on lavish vacations, and they send their children to private schools. This is the work-life balance that people talk about. People work to live, but work is not living. Work is something to be endured, something to slave away at so that you can live your real life, which is outside work, mostly on the weekends.

However, I don’t have a typical life: I don’t have children, I don’t have a family (or at least, I have a dysfunctional family), I don’t have a partner, and I have few obligations. My spare time mostly consists of work or passive electronic entertainment (Netflix, YouTube, Kindle, etc). When I am not working, I barely spend anything. Netflix is only $14 per month, YouTube is free, and Kindle books cost maybe $15 and I spend many months finishing a whole book. Because I don’t have a “life,” then work is life, and life is work. If I don’t spend money at work, there is a risk I will never spend any money ever, so I allow myself, while I am at work, to indulge in a coffee at a proper cafe, or I eat out at a restaurant during lunch. I like to get out of the office, breath in the fresh air, chat to the barista, and indulge in that warm $5 coffee.

To be honest, I would love to be a “normal” guy i.e. I would love to have a girlfriend so I could have someone to travel with, and I do value female intimacy, but at the same time I am skeptical of marriage and I never want children, so if I do have a girlfriend she needs to have similar values. But I just can’t find such a girl and there is no way I can meet such a girl. I cannot use Tinder because I don’t want people to see me on Tinder. I used Tinder before and found out that there were rumours around the office that I was using it, so I completely shut down the account and vowed never to use it again. My friends and family have tried to arrange relationships for me, but these relationships failed. Finding female intimacy at work is very dangerous, so I am extremely cautious. There is no way I am going to a bar or a nightclub. I do not like these places. Therefore, there is nowhere I can go and nothing I can do. It is as if modern society has conspired to make it impossible to find love. I just need to find happiness in being single.

Advice for Women: Never Get Married #WhiteRibbonDay

Yesterday was White Ribbon Day. A girl was walking around selling white ribbons that are meant to raise awareness about domestic violence against women. My manager and I both bought these ribbons and wore them. Many other people around work wore these ribbons as well.

I felt a bit weird wearing these ribbons because I really felt like I was showing off to others. The ribbons did raise awareness because I read a few articles online about violence against women, and supposedly “financial abuse” is a real thing that occurs.

According to the media, because women are encouraged to have children, they get pregnant and end up with the responsibility of looking after the children. They then leave the workforce and then become financially dependent on the husband who then has economic power over her. This makes her less likely to want to leave him and may mean that she accepts abuse because she needs him to pay for necessities like food and shelter.

When I thought about this more, I realized that women really need to stop looking to men. I agree that men should not be violent towards women, but women need to be careful as well. Women are partially to blame and need to take responsibility for their lives. In fact, I would even go as far as saying that women should not marry and should not have children. If a woman has a child, she has to get out of work and look after it. That is not good. She will lose money and be reliant on the man. Women love to think that men are caring beings who will save them, but this is a Hollywood fantasy. How can she be sure if the man she marries will always have this attitude? Humans are not robots. Humans are emotional, and emotions change over time.

My mother made the same mistake. She thought my dad was a caring and honest man. Turns out he was cheating on her in secret. He had a separate family with another woman and kept this secret. Sure it was the man who is at fault, but it doesn’t matter who is at fault.

It’s similar to crossing the road. Even if the traffic lights tell you that you should cross the road, you should always look left and right. If you cross the road without looking left and right expecting cars and trucks to follow the laws, you may be disappointed. Even if you cross the road legally, it makes no difference if a truck runs you over. It doesn’t matter if you’re right if you end up dead.

Likewise, even if it is discovered that the man is cheating with another woman, and it turns out that the man is ethically wrong, at the end of the day, he will be happily living with his new family and younger wife while the older wife is alone and likely broke due because she is out of the workforce because of pregnancy and responsibilities to look after children. She is also unable to remarry because she is old, and being old does not help with job hunting either. Even if she is ethically right, it makes no difference. 

Women are lucky in that when they are young they are physically attractive, so they can use this to make money whereas men simply cannot do this. I have heard of many young girls making a lot of money online selling sexual services using their webcams. There are also plenty of jobs out there for women that do not include sex work. Many people are very willing to hire young girls simply because they look good, and young girls in customer service roles are more likely to boost business because customers like to deal with beautiful women. Women then have it easy when they are young and pretty, but they should not waste their time and blow their good looks on marriage because marriage doesn’t really provide anything. If they marry a rich man, they might get ahead, but it’s risky because a rich man is like to have a very strong prenup, and rich men will almost certainly cheat. In fact, even if women marry, they will get old, and when they get old, there is a good chance that any man will cheat on her or try to divorce her because old age makes women unattractive. This is not nice, I am aware, but it has to be said. This is the reason why marriage exists, in my opinion. Women know that when they get old they will become unattractive, so marriage exists in order to bind the man to the woman so that he will not stray and seek a younger female. 

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Women should focus on their careers and focus on saving up money for themselves because money in investments will look after her better than any man would. Money will feed and clothe her. Investments will never abuse or rape her. Investments like shares and ETFs will pay her dividends. Men may pay their women an allowance, but they may abuse their women as well.

I’ve got some female friends and they are always telling me about the fights they get into with their boyfriends. I just tell them not to bother with relationships, but they never listen. If they break up or have a fight with a boyfriend, they’re usually back with him or they get another guy within days, and many women say they need men because men provide security.

Girls need to focus on being financially independent rather than look for a man to provide for them because men are not reliable investments. Girls need to invest for themselves. Shares will pay dividends silently and reliably, and shares in good companies will grow these dividends over time. With men, you never know what will happen. Men react differently to how pretty girls are. If women are young and pretty, the man will splash cash on them, but when she is not, he will close up his wallet. He might cheat, he might divorce, or he might be abusive. All in all, for a woman (and even for a man), marriage fails the cost-benefit analysis and risk-benefit analysis. It’s a bad investment. Women need to go their own way.