Don’t be Desperate

If you’ve been to a developing country, chances are you’ve walked along the footpath and you’ve had people coming up to you trying to sell you things. As I was walking around in Kuta, Bali, there were many people sitting on stools on the footpath. These people look poor in that their hair is all over the place and their clothes look dirty. When they see you, they likely assume you are rich and immediately try to sell you something, and the immediately knee-jerk response is to just say no.

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Kuta, Bali

If a ship you are in hit an iceberg and everyone had to jump into the ocean, some people may have life jackets while other would not. If you had a life jacket and were floating in the water, but you see someone who does not have a life jacket and was struggling to keep his head above water, you’d be reluctant to help the man, not because you’re a bad person, but because you know he is desperate, and desperation drives people to do whatever they can to survive, and if you try to help the man, he may through no fault of his own try to steal your life jacket, and you may drown instead of him.

It is the same with the man trying to sell you things on the road. You know he is desperate. Chances are the products don’t have any price. There is an expectation that you haggle over the price, and you just know that he will try to rip you off, so the initial reaction is to just say no and get away. At least that’s how I feel.

The same applies to relationships. If you’re with a girl and suddenly she seems clingy and desperate, that is, she messages you all the time asking to meet up with you, then it’s the same knee-jerk response. You immediately try to distance yourself because you know that desperation drives people to do crazy things, and a desperate girl might pressure you into marriage or children even when you may not feel ready for that.

A relationship is like sales. When you’re with a girl, she is providing female intimacy, companionship, as well as other hard-to-define services, and you are providing something of value back to her as well.

The retailers you feel comfortable with are those that don’t push you overtly. When you’re in an Aldi store, you don’t feel any desperate person trying to pressure you into buying their almond milk. It’s there on the shelves. The price is clearly labelled. If you want it, bring it to the checkout and pay for it. If you don’t want it, just walk away. There’s no pressure on you. You can feel that Aldi is not desperate at all. Aldi is a huge business.

This lesson should be applied to your business and relationship dealings. Don’t be desperate because people can detect desperation, and desperation repels people.

When you are in a relationship with someone, don’t behave as if you must be with them. You need to have a life of your own. Don’t be desperate.

Even in your career you should not be desperate. Too many people, once they get a job, they buy a house and take on a large mortgage, borrow money to buy a nice car, get married, have multiple children, and go on multiple expensive exotic holidays, and these high expenses and high debts make them dependent on their job, and if there is suddenly a recession or if there are job cuts, they go into desperation mode, and employers can smell desperation. It is best to keep your expenses low and invest surplus cash so that you are less dependent on income from work because you are building up income from investments. Passive income makes you less dependent on your employer.

 

My Experience with Tinder

Three weeks ago I started using Tinder for the first time. I was impressed with how easy it is to find girls. Given I am an Asian male in my early thirties, Tinder seems to tend to match me with Asian girls in their late twenties or early thirties. Within a few hours, I was matched with about four girls. Like I said, Tinder is easy to use. All you do is use your Facebook account to log in, then you get presented with pictures of girls. You tell the app whether you like the girls by swiping left or right, and then the app matches you to girls who like you, and then you start messaging each other. Make sure your Facebook profile picture looks good because girls will judge you based solely on that.

There is a small privacy issue in that once you are on Tinder, members of the opposite sex who also use Tinder may see you on Tinder, but once you have enough girls you are messaging, you can configure the settings so that no one else can see you. If by chance someone you know can see you, I don’t see how using Tinder is somehow shameful. Just admit it.

I’ll be going to Bali in May, and I will be travelling by myself, so I am hoping I can use Tinder there to find girls in Bali. While in Bali, I plan to stay in my hotel room or go to an internet cafe to work online on my blog, my ebooks, and so forth. However, it would be nice if I can meet up with someone, whether it is a male or a female. One option I considered was staying in a hostel, but the thought of sharing a bathroom with strangers as well as having to sleep in the same room as them–it just doesn’t not sound appealing. I need my own room and my own bathroom!

My date with Kate

Although I had about four to six girls I was messaging on Tinder, I decided to ask a girl named Kate if I could have coffee with her. I like to have coffee with girls because it’s casual and not too serious.

This was the first Tinder date I’ve been to, so I was excited. When I arrived at the cafe, my phone was almost out of battery, and for some reason the Tinder app was buggy. I eventually met Kate. I got her a hot chocolate and got myself an almond flat white.

According to her profile, Kate is 31. She is not the prettiest girl in the world, but she wasn’t bad. She works as a secretary, and she didn’t seem to own a car, which is why she requested that I drive to a cafe near her place. She has also travelled all over Australia, to Europe, and even Asia. She loves scuba diving. After the date she seemed keen to see me again and suggested we watch a movie.

Second date

The next week, Kate and I went on a dinner and movie date. We met in the city and ate at a restaurant there. I told her that I was vegan and so needed to eat a vegan burger while she had chicken fingers. After dinner, we went to the cinemas to watch a movie.

When we separated, I wanted to give her a farewell hug, but she didn’t seem keen on it and seemed to run off, which I thought was suspicious.

Kate seemed like a nice girl. She wasn’t the sort of girl who spent too much. She had lots of discount vouchers on her. In fact, she seemed obsessive about discounts. While we ate, the overall price of the meal for two was about $60, but she had a voucher and was able to bring the price down to $30, which I paid for. She paid for movies, which was $20 (with a voucher). Given that I ate out and watched a movie with a girl for $30, I’d consider that good value.

During the date, Kate asked me all the usual questions girls ask guys in order to gauge whether they are marriage material, e.g. whether I plan to buy a house, whether I plan to apply for other jobs, and so forth.

Third date?

I was keen on moving the relationship with Kate beyond friendship. I suppose I wanted to see how far I could push it. However, after the second date, she messaged me on Tinder and told me that it was over, saying that we don’t have anything in common and we were not compatible. Of course, I may have been at fault because I tried hard to be myself and not conform, and I am a very weird person, or at least I am very different to most people.

Perhaps she didn’t like me because I was vegan. There are many other reasons why she may not have liked me. I remember she asked me if I owned a house, and I told her I preferred to invest in shares and ETFs rather than real estate. She asked me where I lived and what I did on the weekends. I told her that I live with my parents and that I don’t spend much time on weekends socializing with friends. Instead, I prefer to spend my weekends researching the markets and looking for ways to make money online. I talk about these topics with male friends sometimes, and they warn me not to speak my mind when I speak to women during dates.

I could get more friends, become a meat eater, act more manly, and move out of the family home, but I don’t feel like I’d be true to myself if I did all these things. I’d feel like a conformist. Of course, being a nonconformist will necessarily mean that most women by definition will not like you, so that’s just what I need to accept.

I will admit that I am a bit bummed, but it’s no big deal. We just had two dates. She offered to be just friends, but I declined the offer. On Tinder you can unmatch yourself with a girl and she will disappear from the app. I can find another girl on Tinder to be friends with. In fact, that is what I plan to use Tinder for from now on. I will just be friends with girls and not take it any further. Women are notorious for friendzoning men, but I don’t see what the issue with friendzoning women is. I value companionship, and like all men I do have sexual desires, but I believe that you necessarily need one supplier to meet your demands for both companionship and sex. If you want to get heart surgery, you go to a cardiology. If you want to get your car fixed, you go to a car mechanic. Rarely do you see someone who is both a heart surgeon and a car mechanic. For the same reasons, it is inefficient to expect that a wife or girlfriend can provide you with companionship, entertainment, sex, cleaning, and cooking all in one at a good price. The business model of marriage or long-term relationship is about exploiting men’s base desires (hyperbolic discounting) and then using vendor lock-in to extract wealth.

I have learned that if you want more intimacy with a girl, you must pay for it. Women are always looking for opportunities to monetize their erotic capital. Either they will ask for cash directly or they will look for clues of wealth and power and then attempt to extract a portion of that wealth using marriage. Too many men learn this reality through experience and then demand that women have sex with them in return for nothing, which is never going to happen. In order to get along with women, you must make sure that they are adequately compensated. You must accept the fact that they are simply trying to monetize their erotic capital in the same way most people try to make money when they discover they have a talent in, say, programming or accounting. If an employer must pay for the skills or a programmer or an accountant, a husband or boyfriend must pay for for the physical attractiveness of his wife or girlfriend.

Dragging Myself to Work on a Cold Day

It was hard for me to wake up today because it was so cold. I wanted to press the snooze button over and over again.

Work is a bit relaxing because my manager is on holiday, but there is still work to do because I am managed by a senior officer. Whenever I am at work, I always feel like other people look down upon me for not being promoted fast enough. People within my team don’t ever talk about this, but people outside my team always talk about it. I find that strange. There is one guy at work who told me that I needed to get out of my team and go elsewhere because I was not being paid enough where I was. He has been in the organisation for the same amount of time I have been and is on the same level as me. I don’t know why he is such a snob to me.

Anyway, I must say I’m used to status anxiety at work, but it’s something that always bothers me. I am only human.

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I bumped into a girl I once had a crush on at the train station. We chatted for a bit, but she had to get back to her work. She doesn’t work with me. When I got back to work, I messaged her and tried to chat with her, but it didn’t really go anywhere. I could kind of tell she wasn’t into me, so I stopped chatting. I sort of did the same thing to another girl I remembered. We used to hang out often but haven’t seen each other in months. I emailed her. We exchanged more emails. She told me she got braces. I told her we should catch up, but she told me she was busy that we had to catch up another time. I wasn’t sure if she was trying to push me away.

I don’t know. I suppose now that I’m single again and I’m back in my old boring routine, that familiar hunger for female attention is back. The previous girl I dated told me, after we broke up, that I was unstable, that I don’t know what I wanted. Maybe she’s right. I hunger for female intimacy, but when I get it I suddenly fear commitment. Is it possible to have female intimacy without the commitment?

After work today I went to the gym. I did my standard workout but at the end I went on the chest press machine and lifted 100kg until my arms were hurting. Afterwards I had a protein shake.

On the train ride home, I continued reading an ebook called 12 Weeks in Thailand. I enjoyed the sample first chapter so much that I purchased the book outright on Amazon and began reading on the train. The book is about a wage slave earning a salary in America who decides to quit and live in Thailand. In Thailand he becomes a scuba instructor, a Muay Thai fighter, and an online entrepreneur. He enjoys a brilliant lifestyle in Thailand (living in luxury) for a low cost.

Escape!

This is just the dream scenario for me. I hate my job. I hate being a wage slave. I hate being confined in a building with people I hate. I want to be free to do my own thing. I want to be free to travel. I want to escape. When a group of friends get stale, I want the freedom to just fly out and start again from the ground up somewhere else. I know I will need to slave away a little longer at my current job so I can save up enough, but I am almost there.

Freedom and Being Yourself

I’m still having my moments at work when I feel like everyone there ignores me. But I remind myself that this is not too bad. It is preferable to someone at work bugging me all the time. I also feel as if I am settling at work. There is no sense that I will be promoted. I don’t think I have a reputation for being ambitious. Everyone tells me (including my manager) that I speak slowly and quietly. This communication style is not what is expected from leaders.

There are many ways I can respond to this criticism. I can complain about it, which will get me nowhere, or I can keep trying to work hard and improve myself. Of course I will go with the latter. When I speak to some people, I get the feeling they’re trying to make me feel inadequate because I haven’t earned a certain amount by a certain time. I don’t want to fall into the trap of telling them that I have settled because any confirmation of a lack of ambition will destroy my career, so I tell them I continue to work hard and improve myself. It’s all I can do. I will continue to work hard. Whatever my employer pays me is whatever my employer pays me. I don’t even need much. I’ve been working for about six years. In that time I haven’t gotten married or gotten a mortgage or gotten children. I have negligible debt. I’ve lived with my parents and, as a result, have been saving up about $50k per year. Most of this money is invested in the stock market, which has boomed thanks to central bank expansionary monetary policy. As Mike Cernovich would say, “I have enough. I am enough.” There’s no reason to stress about anything. It doesn’t matter if my employer fires me because I can live off interest and dividends. Cheap accommodation is easy to find on Airbnb, and a vegan diet can be very cheap. Freedom is not expensive. Accommodation costs about $500 a month, and food costs about the same, so $1000 a month is the bare minimum you need to keep yourself alive, and if you assume your investments earn you 5 percent, you’d need $240k to produce that amount, which means you’d need to work for roughly five years assuming you can save $50k per year.

I’ve been talking about the concept of freedom for a while with many people. Yesterday when I had lunch with a friend, he was warning me against posting things on Facebook that may destroy my career. He told me about news articles about employees posting negative things about their employers and then getting fired. I told my friend that I have tried to be careful in the past about making sure others had good opinions about me. I always tried to appease everyone: my friends, my family, and my employer. It was tiring, and because everyone wants different things, you find yourself torn between different views. Now I do what I want and if other people don’t like it then they can get stuffed. My friend seemed to laugh it off.

There is a girl in my life again, and I’ve been chatting on Facebook with her quite a bit lately. I am not afraid to tell her my views on freedom. In fact, she asked me what my ultimate goal was is in life. There is a whole body of literature on the internet about how to get women to like you. It is called “game.” The internet will tell you that if a girl asks you what your goal is in life, she wants to know if you are an alpha male (or a winner as opposed to a loser) so I suppose the best answer is to tell her something that will suggest that you will be a successful man rather than a homeless bum.

The whole “game” literature, in my opinion, is a load of crap. The basic idea behind it is that women want certain things in a man (masculinity, strength, domination, etc) and you need to do everything you can to give this to her. You need to be successful, give her money, give her children, and so forth. To me, this sounds like you are appeasing her. What kind of an alpha male tries so hard to fit into the alpha male stereotype just so he can appease a woman? A real alpha male will do what the wants to do and if a woman doesn’t like it, to hell with her! Too many men out there try too hard to appease women. Just do what you want in life. If a girl comes to come along for the ride, you may, but she doesn’t want to, that’s fine.

I know it’s a cliche, but I do believe that it’s important to be yourself when you are dating. I am a bit of a strange person. People have told me to be careful of what I say because I will scare women off. But what is the alternative? If I lie and hide my true self, eventually she will find out. Isn’t it better to just get everyone out into the open right away? If she is not for you, then so be it. You will meet someone else (or not). But I cannot imagine anything worse than leading a girl on to believing you are someone you are not.

Wealth, Wellness, and Women

I’m feeling bummed. I’ve been dating a girl for a month or so and she has called it off. It was painful for me because I thought everything was going fine. I guess I’m just not good at reading into how well a relationship is going. These things happen. Lately I’ve been spending a lot of time by myself, usually in my car where I would listen to various podcasts and think about my life. I do admit that every now and then I do visit prostitutes in brothels, and I pay $120 for half an hour. But after you have sex with many girls, you start to realise how empty it feels. I suppose it’s like eating. When you’re hungry, you need to eat, but once you feast on the same thing all the time, you get sick of it. And this I suppose is the distinction between sex and love. Love is the yearning you still have after you’ve had sex with so many women and still feel dissatisfied.

Something I’ve noticed about this blog is that it has lately turned very negative. I talk about myself a lot and speak as if I am seeking pity from others. This whole habit of self-pity or seeking pity from others is downright dangerous. It is beta male behaviour that I need to stop right now. I originally set up this blog in order to track my progress in becoming more of an alpha male and to help other beta males out there become alpha males. Being a beta male is a disease.

I don’t want to fall into the trap of putting a ring on the first girl who shows me even a little bit of intimacy. It’s common, I hear, for a man to be so desperate to have a woman in his life that he marries any girl he can get his hands on only to realize years down the road that she is not suitable for him, and she divorces him and takes half his assets.

I feel like a mouse desperately hungry for cheese who, while searching for that delicious cheese, finds a fellow mouse chopped in half by the claws of a mouse trap. The dead mouse smells of rotting cheese.

Don’t let desperation lead to disaster.

Wealth, wellness, and women — three things all men want. We want money, we want to be healthy, and we wants girls. I can’t seem to get a girl, so perhaps I should focus on the other two.

The Girlfriend Allowance

I’m feeling excited, not because it is almost 2015 but because it is looking likely that I will very soon have a girlfriend! It’s not certain but it is looking likely.

Having been single for the last few months, it is refreshing having a girlfriend again, but I do remember much of the negatives of my previous girlfriend. I remember the arguments, the whining and complaining, and the constant put-downs. Maybe it’s my fault for being too much of a beta male and not manning up. Either way, it was a bad experience, and I need to learn my lesson.

Something I will be implementing with my new girlfriend is a “girlfriend allowance.” After we are in a relationship, or maybe once we date a few times, I will ask her for her bank account details and will direct a certain amount of income from my investments straight into her bank account. One option is to plow money into a high-yield ETF or managed fund that pays monthly distributions (e.g. APN AREIT Fund, Firstmac High Livez, Aurora Dividend Income Trust, or Betashares Australian Dividend Harvester Fund). Another option is to borrow money, buy a small apartment, and ask the property manager to rent the apartment out and send all rental income to my girlfriend’s bank account. Either way, money will be sent automatically into the girlfriend’s bank account every month. I will probably aim to provide about $500 to $1500 per month.

I have never done this before, so I have no idea what the results will be, but I think paying a girlfriend allowance will help the relationship significantly.

One of the problems with many girls is that they are influenced by mainstream culture, which gives people certain impressions about how girlfriends should behave and how boyfriends should behave. There are all sorts of rules, rituals, and customs. For example, when it is Valentine’s Day, you must buy a flower and chocolates. When there is an event, you must bring along the girlfriend. You must shower the girl with gifts. There are all sorts of duties that the girlfriend expects from you. If you are a man who wants to engage in these activities, a girlfriend allowance may not be necessary. If you don’t want to engage in these conformist social customs, you will not meet the girlfriend’s expectations and she will start to resent you. She will then start to complain, whine, and give you passive aggression.

This is where the girlfriend allowance comes in. If you are paying a girlfriend allowance, then you can afford the freedom of doing what you want. You are no longer shackled to the duties and obligations of “boyfriend services.” If, for example, you do not buy the girlfriend a gift on Valentine’s Day (because Valentine’s Day is an embarrassing marketing scam), she may resent you and may consider dumping you. However, if you are paying her a girlfriend allowance of $1000 per month, she will need to consider whether dumping you is worth sacrificing $1000 per month.

In my opinion, a girlfriend allowance will also allow you to enjoy higher quality “girlfriend services.” She will treat you better because she knows that if she does not treat you well, she will lose the allowance and it will be snapped up by another girl. In labour economics, this is the theory of the efficiency wage. A girlfriend allowance is effectively a girlfriend efficiency wage. A girlfriend allowance will ensure that you receive high quality and efficient services from your girlfriend.

Paying a girlfriend allowance will also reduce the likelihood that she will dump you. For some men (at least for me), it is expensive, time-consuming, and just plain difficult to get a girlfriend. A girlfriend allowance makes it more likely that you will spend more time with your current girlfriend rather than spend time hunting down girlfriends at nightclubs, bars, online, or via friends or family.

A girlfriend allowance will also provide the girl will more confidence and assurance in herself. If you are willing to pay a girl money, she feels she is worth it. Once a woman is at the receiving end of market demand, a price on her services will increase her morale, and she will want to treat you better.

A girlfriend allowance also recognises the fact that being a girlfriend is quite expensive. Girls are required to buy appropriate clothes, use make-up, perfume, shampoo, and have gym membership. Attractive girls also tend to have specific diets. Looking good comes at a cost.

Another good argument for a girlfriend allowance is that love is too difficult to maintain. Love is fickle and temporary. In a normal relationship, the bond is sustained by love, but love wanes over time. As the girlfriend gets tired of you, her attraction for you will also drop. The excitement and novelty of being with other men will tempt the girlfriend (or wife). Although love is difficult to maintain, the girlfriend allowance is not. The girlfriend allowance (as I will implement it) is a set value of income-producing assets whose rental or dividend income is directed into the lady’s bank account automatically every month by the fund manager or property manager. It is set-and-forget. You only need to reconfigure it once you break up with the girlfriend and need to distribute that income to someone else (or yourself if you are single). Maintaining a relationship on love requires constant effort and work. It is like having debt over your head or being bossed around by a bad boss. A girlfriend allowance, on the other hand, requires nothing.

To conclude, although the girlfriend allowance or girlfriend efficiency wage seems to make sense, theory does not always align with practice. I will update you all on how things go.

The Benefits of Casual Relationships

I’ve been single for a few months now since breaking up. When the relationship ended, it felt like a huge weight was off my shoulders. The mistake I made, I think, was not really understanding myself and thinking that a normal relationship was for me. Now I am starting to think that I should not be in a normal relationship because I don’t want the commitment, the obligation, the expectations, the effort, and the drama. It is better to be in a casual relationship.

Luckily for me, there are a number of websites on the internet that cater to casual relationships. In fact, the internet caters to all sorts of types of intimate relationships. I love internet dating. Using friends or family for dating is horrible because, if things go wrong, your relationship with your friends and family can suffer. Dating someone at work is even worse because, if things go wrong, you will continue to see her again and again.

In fact, I believe that even friendships with colleagues shouldn’t go too far. This is a mistake I have already made. I became good friends with a work colleague, he behaved badly to me, and now I distance myself from him, but he is needy and keeps pursuing me. I am reluctant to be frank with him and tell him to piss off because I don’t want bad blood with anyone I work with. After all, he might be my boss one day.

A website I enjoy using for casual relationships is whatsyourprice.com. The idea behind this site is simple: you offer to pay money to women in order to buy a first date. For example, you see the profile of a girl you think is nice, you offer her $100 for a first date. She can accept, reject, or counter the offer with an offer of her own. What I find is that, when you are willing to pay money to women, suddenly they are very keen to see you.

Different dating websites attract different types of girls. One of the benefits of WYP is that the girls here seem to be interested mainly in casual relationships. Supposedly, girls on a mainstream site like eHarmony are all looking for marriage, so if you are not interested in marriage, it is best to avoid this website.

Some people say that paying women for relationships is a waste of money because girlfriends are free. However, I disagree. With traditional dating, you must engage in the entire courtship ritual, e.g. show interest in her, flirt, talk to her, act witty and confident, dress well, ask her out on a date, touch her appropriately, and then after a few dates there may or may not be sexual intimacy. By the time you reach the third date, you will have spent thousands of dollars on gifts, restaurant bills, clothes, and so forth. If the relationship goes well, these costs don’t disappear. They stay high. If you marry, expect the costs to skyrocket once you start paying for engagement rings, marriage ceremony, mortgage, and children. So whether you go with a girlfriend/wife, sugar baby, escort, or prostitute, you will end up paying the same in the long-run. The difference is the level of honesty. The girlfriend/wife will expect you to waste money on gifts in order to prove your earning potential whereas the escort/prostitute will just send you an invoice. Prostitution and marriage are both mechanisms that facilitate the exchange of money/power and female intimacy. Whereas prostitution is subject to market forces, competition, and efficiency, marriage is subject to high entry/exit costs, vendor lock-in, inflexible contracts, and a reliance on old-world customs and rituals rather than an efficient price mechanism.

For young men out there, I recommend they try seeking casual relationships online. Set a certain budget for “female intimacy,” say, $500 per month and then keep track of how much cash you hand over to the girl. If you are poor and cannot pay much, simply seek out older or bigger girls. The reality is that highly cashed up men tend to seek out thin and young girls, resulting in price bubbles. Older and larger girls are more reasonably priced. Over time, if you save up and invest in income-producing assets, your total income will rise, and your budget for female intimacy should also rise.

One additional point I’d like to emphasise is if you do decide that mainstream dating and marriage is not for you and you end up seeking more “market-based” solutions, I recommend keeping it to yourself. Don’t tell your friends, your family, or even the girl you are in a casual relationship with. Just give her cash and tell her it is to help her with her living expenses. I do not recommend honesty in real life when it comes to paying for female intimacy. Right or wrong, there is too much stigma in this area. If you don’t believe me, read up on the following people: Craig Thompson, Eliot Spitzer, and Tiger Woods.