Be More Assertive by Talking About Your Feelings

One of they key aspects of becoming an alpha male is to be more assertive, which means I need to express my interests. When I was a beta male, people used to ask me to come along to something I wasn’t interested in going to, e.g. they asked me to come to their house for dinner or go to a party. Rather than just say no and tell them that I didn’t want to, I usually just went along. Becoming an alpha male, in my opinion, means I need to do what I want to do and not do what I don’t want to do, and that normally starts with expressing my desires.

The first step in expressing myself, in my opinion, is to be clear about your position from the outset, which means saying “yes” or “no.” That should be sufficient. Usually when you say no to someone, they ask why. They ask you for a rationale. A response I should give is that I don’t need to give a rationale. I think it is best to hold out and not give a reason for why you want to do something. If pressured, just say, “I don’t feel like going” or something similar.

Expressing your “feelings” may sound feminine, but I have learned that this is the clearest and best way to express yourself. Humans do what they feel like doing and don’t do what they don’t feel like doing. It is simple and basic. If you are accused on being selfish, you can accuse back and tell them that they are selfish. Everyone is selfish to some degree. Everyone acts based on what they predict will give pleasure and don’t act on what they predict will not give pleasure. Predictions are made based on past experiences.

I find a good technique is to simply give a concrete story of something that has happened in the past and then describe how you felt based on those experiences.

If someone asks you to come to a party, you say, “No! I’m not going. I hate parties.” This very clearly gives your position very quickly. If you are asked why you hate parties, then you start the story based on concrete examples with a description of how you felt. You can say, “I’ve been to some parties before and they were boring. All I did was walk around and talk about useless things to people. The music was too loud, so it was difficult to understand what people were saying. It was so boring and I felt like it was pointless.”

I’ve used this technique when I have expressed to people that I do not want to have children. I’ve told ex-girlfriends this as well. I tell all my friends, even the couples who plan to have children. I tell them I hate children. They ask me why and I simply tell them my experiences with children. I tell them my experiences with relatives who are children, how these children are chaotic and annoying. They always demand things. I am someone who likes peace and harmony. I like order, not chaos. Often when I am in a mall, I see children throwing tantrums and going crazy, and the parents are almost in tears.

The great thing about true stories and your feeling in response to the events in the stories is that you cannot be wrong. No one can say, “Your views on children are wrong!” because you haven’t really given a view. You have just given a true story and your feelings in response to that story. No one can deny that your story is false. More importantly, no one can deny that you didn’t feel what you claim you felt. No one can say, “That negative feeling you got when you were around misbehaving children! That is wrong!” They cannot say this because that is what happened. That is fact. Your feeling are your feelings. Your feelings are biochemistry. Other people cannot understand your biochemistry. Even you cannot understand your own biochemistry. But only you know how you feel in response to something, and it is either a good feeling or a bad feeling based on whatever chemical is secreted: cortisol, adrenalin, dopamine, oxytocin, endorphins, seratonin, and others. Your body, your physical makeup, and the chemical in your body are out of your hands. It’s what you’re born with.

When you talk about your feelings, you don’t have to give negative feelings. You can give positive feelings (or the absence of positive feelings). For example, when I gave my views on children, my friends told me that they find children very rewarding, to which I told them that although they may feel that, I certainly did not have any positive feelings from being around children. Other people also told me that these misbehaving children have simply not been raised correctly. Their message was basically: this happens to other people’s children but it won’t happen to my children. I was told that if the children are raised correctly, with proper discipline, I won’t need to worry about misbehaving children. Rather than talking about my negative feelings to misbehaving children, I simply switch to my absence of any positive feeling around children. My argument was pretty much that even if I can get the children to behave well so that they annoy me less, the fact that I get no happiness or positive feeling from them means that there is no point in me having children. If you were asked to buy a pink elephant, would you buy it? Probably not because (unless you’re a circus owner) a pink elephant is pointless. Furthermore, you have to buy it off someone and then you have to feed it. Suppose the seller tells you that there is a huge discount of 90 percent off this pink elephant and that the costs of maintaining the elephant has also been discounted. So what? You don’t need a pink elephant, so why buy it, even if it is on discount. Same with children. If I don’t need them and don’t get any happiness from them, why should I bother if the pain is reduced somewhat with excellent discipline thereby resulting in a reduction in the pain of having children? This is simply a cost-benefit argument but used to describe positive versus negative feelings.

To summarise, when asserting yourself, make sure you say “yes” or “no” straight away and then say something quickly to make it completely clear what your views are on the matter. It should be left at that but if you feel you need to rationalise yourself, it is best to give a true concrete story and to describe your feelings in response to what happened in the story. You can talk about your positive feelings and negative feelings. To borrow from business school, you can talk about costs and benefits and even how you feel about risk.

It is incredibly important to get your feelings and views out there so that everyone knows where you stand. This is important because then, as you go on in your life interacting with the people you interact with, how people will guide you and the people you meet with will change according to your desires. For example, if I express my desire to be childless to everyone, mothers and father will likely hate me or just not be interested in me, and they will stop inviting me to their children’s parties, and they will stay away from me completely, choosing instead to be around those who share their views. If I express my feeling about parties, people will stop inviting me to them, and party animals will think I am boring and will stop associating themselves with me. Over time, I start to becoming surrounded by people I am interested in and I am drawn to events that I find interesting, and this leads to greater happiness in the future. This is why it is important to send out signals and vibes to the world that is consistent with your feelings and desires. If you do not, you will find you go along with other people’s values and desires and you will be miserable. This is a lesson I learned the hard way during my beta male years, and I am desperate to fix this problem.

Is Your Primary Residence an Asset? Yes, But…

I was having lunch with a colleague a week ago and he said the following to me: “Your primary residence is not an asset but a liability because you have to continually pay for it. You don’t own your house. The bank owns it.”

This got me thinking because years of education has taught me that a house is an asset since assets are defined as anything that produces value. A house can be rented out to produce rental income. Indeed, it is an asset according to this definition.

But technicalities aside, I do understand what my friend was trying to say. After some googling, I found that this concept derives from the book Rich Dad, Poor Dad in which Robert Kiyosaki explains that a house generates negative cashflow and therefore is a liability for you.

He is wrong. It is not the house that creates the negative cashflow. It is the mortgage. The problem is, for most people, in order to afford a house, they need to accept the mortgage because they simply don’t have enough cash to buy a house outright.

It is this connection that the bank has concocted that fools people. When you buy a house, you get an asset, but it doesn’t end there. Two sets of assets are created. The first asset is the house, which you hold. The second asset is debt, which is held by the bank. Houses tend to go up in value, but not always. House prices tend to move up only slowly and are volatile. The asset the bank holds, on the other hand, is much more valuable. The bank holds debt. It produces income no matter what. Even if you default, the bank simply takes your house. Effectively, when the bank lends you money to buy a house, it is doing two things: (1) directing cashflow from you to itself and (2) transferring risk from itself to you. The cash the bank would have held would have sat in a vault doing nothing but by lending it to you, that cash now generates interest that flows to the bank. Rather than buying real estate itself and suffer from the risk of volatile prices, the bank simply puts that risk on you by lending to you. It gets a steady income while you wear the risk.

I am not against buying a home. What I advise against is the debt. Unfortunately, when most people buy homes, it is connected to debt. It is like coffee. Research shows the antioxidants in coffee prevents prostate cancer in men. But if you put four teaspoons of sugar in your coffee, the sugar will hurt your health. Likewise, even though a house is great for you, the debt that is attached is what will work against you. If you need to buy a home, I recommend you buy a small home to minimise the debt. Otherwise, pay off the debt as quickly as possible. Rent out spare rooms. I have nothing against buying a house as an investment, but it is best to stay out of debt.

Spread Your Wealth

“Invest in seven ventures, yes, in eight; you do not know what disaster may come upon the land.”

Ecclesiastes 11:2

You may be wondering why a blog that focuses on being an alpha male is concerned with financial matters (see my previous post on the importance of keeping debt low). I believe that financial health is extremely important. I have recently watched a YouTube documentary called Wham Bam Thank You Scam! This documentary is about an Australian who invested $150,000 with a fund manager who turned out to be fraudulent. He flies to Bangkok to find the fraudsters. It is heartbreaking to see the desperation and futility of his search. Documentaries like these strengthen my belief in the value of diversification.

It is easy for people to look down upon the victims of fraudsters and accuse them of not researching enough, but the reality is that there is no consistent way you can reliably know if an area you park your cash is safe. Most people judge the trustworthiness of an individual or institution by the prestige, niceness of the website, how professional the people who work in that organization work, and so forth, but it doesn’t take Einstein to realize that these superficial cues are not always reliable indicators. Highly regarded money managers have turned out to be scam artists, for example, Bernard Madoff. Highly regarded institutions such as the prestigious and powerful HSBC have been found guilty of corruption and money laundering. It is great to research an investment and do your due diligence, but research is not enough because research is flawed. We can look with our own eyes, but appearances deceive. Research will only take you so far in protecting your wealth, but diversification will bring you much further.

Just how far should you diversify? In my opinion, go as far as possible. I have multiple financial institutions and within each financial institution there are multiple funds and multiple accounts. Never put too much in any one institution or account. Trust no one fully.

When spreading wealth across multiple investments, make sure the different areas you park your cash are actually different. For example, if you invest in BHP shares using two different brokers, you have diversified across brokers but not across companies. Better to use one broker to buy BHP and the other to buy something else, such as CBA. As much as possible, spread your wealth across different types of investments.

The biggest downfall of diversification is the complexity of remembering everything you have. Having to deal with multiple organizations can be difficult and confusing, but I believe it is worth it. You cannot afford not to do it. Make sure you hire a registered tax expert to do your taxes for you. Unless you are an expert, you will need it.

A way I keep track of my investments is to always invest in investments that pay an income (called a “distribution”) to my main bank account. This way when an investment makes money and puts it in my bank account, I see it on my phone and I am reminded that this investment exists. I never follow a dividend reinvestment plan or invest in anything that produces no income (for example, physical gold produces no income). Some highly regarded shares produce no income either, for example, Google and Berkshire Hathaway have not paid dividends so far. These aren’t necessarily bad investments. I just personally like to receive reminders that my investments are working and that they exist.

The Borrower is Slave to the Lender

I am not religious, but I am definitely not an atheist because I don’t know for sure that a god does not exist. The best word to describe me is agnostic.

I have my doubts about the Bible, but there is no denying that the Bible is an excellent manual for personal finance. If you want advice with money, forget financial advisors. Go to the Bible.

Perhaps the most important biblical financial verse in the Bible is Proverbs 22:7, which states that “the rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is slave to the lender.” This Biblical verse wowed me when I read it as a teenage boy in school. It opened my eyes to the fact that far from being equal, the world we live in today has powerful people and weak people, and coercion and slavery in modern times is carried out not with whips and chains but with debt, fees, penalties, and compounding interest.

The question is, which will you be? Will you be a borrower or lender, a slave or a master?

“Neither a lender nor a borrower be,” says Shakespeare, which is very noble. I personally like to be a master rather than a slave.

Borrowers are pathetic. They go to the bank and beg for money. Then they work nine to five, whoring themselves to the organization in order to earn cash to pay back the banker. These banks make incredible profits from lending. Which would you rather be, the borrower who works like a slave or the bank who owns the slave? I prefer to be the bank, which is why I own bank shares or, even better, bank ETFs.

When I recommend you lend, I don’t recommend you lend money to family and friends. Do not do this! You lend by getting experts to lend for you, that is, put your money into bond funds or, as I said earlier, buy bank ETFs. If you’re new to investing and don’t know what a bond or an ETF is, a savings account is a good start. Banks lend out money in your savings account to others.

What about borrowing to invest? Is that not good debt? The answer is no. There is no such thing as good debt. Debt is debt is slavery. Debt is a legal obligation to pay, which means you must work in order to repay. If you must work against your will, that sounds like slavery to me. Investments in real estate, shares, and even education can be lucrative, and when they pay off, the debt you incurred may in theory be worth it. But these investments are not guaranteed. You are taking a risk. The more you borrow, the bigger the risk is. The bank, who lends you money, takes no risk. The bank collects interest repayment from you regardless, and if you default, they take your house or have some other legal means to collect the debt. All the risk is on you. You might win, you might lose, but the bank always wins.

If you absolutely must borrow (for example, you need a car to drive to work), be careful you don’t get carried away. Make sure the debt is as small as possible and repay it back as quickly as possible. Sacrifice everything (vacation, etc) to get out of debt quickly because your freedom from slavery is at stake.

An alpha male should not go into debt. Debt is for slaves.

Most Women Hate Feminism

When I read anti-feminist ideas on the internet, it turns out that most men who hate feminism are just traditional conservatives who think they are so rebellious because they think women belong in the kitchen. I have news for you: women love to be in the kitchen!

I’ve been letting my hate run wild lately. I haven’t tried to suppress it. I’m trying to grow my hatred, let it evolve and develop freely, unrestrained by any values. I find I am naturally drawn to anti-family, anti-marriage, and anti-women ideas. Note I say anti-women and not anti-feminist because I don’t really see anything wrong with feminism. Feminism to me says that men and women should be treated equally. But most women don’t want this. My experience with women is that they love traditional values. Why wouldn’t they? They are treated like princesses. Most women want to stay at home and lounge around, go shopping for expensive shoes and clothes, go chat with other girls in expensive cafés, and have it all funded by some dumb man slaving away at work. This scenario is not feminism. This scenario is the traditional family where the man is the provider who labours away while the woman stays home and enjoys a life of leisure, which of course is fully subsidised by the man. If feminism were practiced, that damn parasite woman would not be at the cafe with her baby drinking cappuccinos. She would be at work making her own damn money and paying her own way. That is feminism.

My anti-social hatred, I believe, if left to mature and fester, will make me angry and aggressive, and I think this can help me with my transition from beta male to alpha male. The alpha male needs to be angry over something. He cannot be some serene monk. Otherwise he will be calm, there will be no sense of crisis, no aggression. He will be as good as dead. He will be impotent. He will be weak, and weakness will be picked up on by other men, and women despise weak men. I need to let my hatred run wild.

The Physical and Economic Aspects of Alpha Maleness

Debt is slavery

What do I mean when I talk about an alpha male? In the animal kingdom, alpha males are those who rise to the top of the hierarchy. They have the power to do what they want. It is about power, but my desire for power is not linked to any desire to hurt others. I simply wish to defend myself. As a beta male, other males put me down and control me. Women disrespect me. I need to correct this. I need to become an alpha male. This will make men fear me and women respect me.

Being an alpha male is not just about swaggering around, swearing, or calling women bitches. There is also an economic aspect as well. An alpha male needs enough money saved up or invested to be free from wage slavery. An alpha male also needs to have his debt under control for the same reason. I’ve seen many beta males out there who have a wife at home, three children, and a massive mortgage, and these people come to work and slave away barely making ends meet. Freedom comes from running surpluses. Freedom comes from making sure what comes in to your bank account is much greater than what goes out. The opposite of this is slavery. Debt is slavery.

About this blog

Where to start? I am a beta male. I am really unhappy about it. I’ve set up this blog to describe my journey from a pathetic beta male into a proud alpha male. For much of my life, I was a beta male. People looked down upon me. People told me what to do, and I complied. I’ve reached that point in my life where I’ve realized that enough is enough. I’ve made a conscious decision to strike back and become an alpha male. My plan is simple: I will proactively seek to be around people I like, and I will be obnoxious and rude to people I don’t like thereby cutting these negative people from my life. I have already joined the gym. My personal trainer has set an exercise program for me that I am following. It is a great injustice in this world that the weak and the nice are trampled upon. I am sure I am not the only victim. I write this blog not only to motivate myself to stay on track but to also provide support and motivation to readers out there who are in the same situation I am in. If you are a beta male, you need to recognise this problem and you need to take steps to address it. I feel it is my purpose in life to not only make myself stronger but to help others out there become stronger as well.

I’ve learned over time that this world is characterised by oppression. Powerful beings oppress weaker being, whether it is humans oppressing animals for food or clothes or even powerful humans oppressing and exploiting weaker humans.

While slavery via whips and chains has vanished from most parts of the world, a more efficient form of slavery thrives: debt slavery.

By evolution or by design, men are pressured or programmed to go to school, go to university, leave home, date a girl, get a job, get married, get a mortgage, have children, and retire at seventy.

These major life events force us to spend excessively, and we are plunged into debt. Because we are indebted, we are slaves to our lenders. We left home thinking we would become independent only to find ourselves dependent and enslaved to the bank and to our employer.

There must be a better way, but before we find that better way, we must first escape from the system that attempts to enslave us. This blog is about escaping from wage slavery. Anyone can escape wage slavery by working hard and shunning societal pressure to spend. Don’t marry, live with your parents, and save aggressively so that you can live off the interest, rent, and dividends from your globally diversified investments.

Don’t become a slave to the banks. You don’t have to make mortgage payments every month. Don’t become a slave to the landowner. Don’t become a slave to your employer. Don’t become a slave to social customs and traditions.

Do not become a slave to other people. Don’t give anyone the power to tell you what to do.