Dealing with Dissatisfaction in Life

I’ve been having boring days at work. I go to work and I don’t really have any motivation to work. I just do the minimum. If something is due soon, I do it. Otherwise, I literally just daydream. I could look out the window or stare at the wall for hours. I have a to-do list that I follow. I just work my way through the list doing one item at a time, almost like a machine.

My manager left in the afternoon because his family had an appointment with the dentist, so I took the opportunity to go the gym (there is a gym at work). While at the gym, I noticed something interesting. If I imagined that there was a beautiful girl watching me, I worked harder. My lifts at the gym became stronger. I started to use this technique and noticed that my workout improved quite a bit, and after the workout I felt really energized. I also employed this technique at work. While working I imagined there was a beautiful blonde girl watching me from behind. I am not sure if it helped me become more productive because I still felt unproductive, but maybe I was more productive than normal. 

I do admit that I am feeling empty. Life is getting boring, and I can just feel myself getting into that trap of trying to spend money to feel happy. Luckily I am quite disciplined. My total expenses equals my income from dividends. I am quite a disciplined person. I eat a healthy plant-based diet, I go the gym fairly regularly, and I invest all the money I earn from work. If these are not the mark of a disciplined man, I don’t know what is.

Nevertheless, I still feel dissatisfied, and I keep wondering what I can do to cheer myself up. There are times when I go on Tinder and start swiping, but then I think more carefully about what I’m doing. I think about all the negative experiences with dating I’ve had in the past, so I simply uninstall the app. I’ve done this about three times recently. Because I watch Netflix, I’ve been watching many Hollywood movies, and of course Hollywood movies almost always promote romantic love, so those urges to be intimate with a woman come back to me, but I know better than to give in to these urges. I feel a need to always be resisting temptation and to always be disciplined. I certainly give into female intimacy sometimes but I always correct myself and get myself back in line. I give into temptation often, but where I differ from other people is that I don’t give in completely.

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