The “Real Man” Trap

I was speaking to a woman the other day. She was asking me why I wasn’t married. I told her I didn’t want to marry because I didn’t see the point of it. How was it going to benefit me?

She then spoke about how “real men dominate women and marry them.” This is something I hear many women say. Make no mistake, most women I meet are not feminists. Most women (or perhaps all) want a dominant strong and wealthy man who will protect them and shower them with cash. I don’t blame them. Why not? Who wouldn’t want to have a bodyguard and millions of dollars to spend as you please?

I then challenged this woman on her assertion. She was suggesting that I wasn’t a real man, but anatomically I have the Y chromosome. I am a man. I could get a doctor to certify it. She then spoke about how I didn’t act like a man. I asked her who decides what constituted masculine behaviour.

Anyway, long story cut short, I learned an important lessons, which is that when people say that a “real man” does this or that, they are simply trying to push their values on you. This woman clearly values marriage, and she tried to push marriage on me by telling me that I am not a real man unless I get married.

When someone says “be a man” then they are not really telling you to be a man because anatomically you already are. What they really mean is “do what I say” or “be my slave.”

This is the “real man” trap, and it seems to be used often because men are very insecure about not being manly enough, so anyone who is trying to push an agenda on you or is trying to sell something will likely appeal to these insecurities.

The next time someone tells you to be a man, you must resist. Tell them that you don’t simply conform to other people’s definitions of what masculinity is. You do what you want to do.

It is important that you don’t try to act masculine just to please women, other men, or society. Just be you.

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