Don’t be Desperate

If you’ve been to a developing country, chances are you’ve walked along the footpath and you’ve had people coming up to you trying to sell you things. As I was walking around in Kuta, Bali, there were many people sitting on stools on the footpath. These people look poor in that their hair is all over the place and their clothes look dirty. When they see you, they likely assume you are rich and immediately try to sell you something, and the immediately knee-jerk response is to just say no.

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Kuta, Bali

If a ship you are in hit an iceberg and everyone had to jump into the ocean, some people may have life jackets while other would not. If you had a life jacket and were floating in the water, but you see someone who does not have a life jacket and was struggling to keep his head above water, you’d be reluctant to help the man, not because you’re a bad person, but because you know he is desperate, and desperation drives people to do whatever they can to survive, and if you try to help the man, he may through no fault of his own try to steal your life jacket, and you may drown instead of him.

It is the same with the man trying to sell you things on the road. You know he is desperate. Chances are the products don’t have any price. There is an expectation that you haggle over the price, and you just know that he will try to rip you off, so the initial reaction is to just say no and get away. At least that’s how I feel.

The same applies to relationships. If you’re with a girl and suddenly she seems clingy and desperate, that is, she messages you all the time asking to meet up with you, then it’s the same knee-jerk response. You immediately try to distance yourself because you know that desperation drives people to do crazy things, and a desperate girl might pressure you into marriage or children even when you may not feel ready for that.

A relationship is like sales. When you’re with a girl, she is providing female intimacy, companionship, as well as other hard-to-define services, and you are providing something of value back to her as well.

The retailers you feel comfortable with are those that don’t push you overtly. When you’re in an Aldi store, you don’t feel any desperate person trying to pressure you into buying their almond milk. It’s there on the shelves. The price is clearly labelled. If you want it, bring it to the checkout and pay for it. If you don’t want it, just walk away. There’s no pressure on you. You can feel that Aldi is not desperate at all. Aldi is a huge business.

This lesson should be applied to your business and relationship dealings. Don’t be desperate because people can detect desperation, and desperation repels people.

When you are in a relationship with someone, don’t behave as if you must be with them. You need to have a life of your own. Don’t be desperate.

Even in your career you should not be desperate. Too many people, once they get a job, they buy a house and take on a large mortgage, borrow money to buy a nice car, get married, have multiple children, and go on multiple expensive exotic holidays, and these high expenses and high debts make them dependent on their job, and if there is suddenly a recession or if there are job cuts, they go into desperation mode, and employers can smell desperation. It is best to keep your expenses low and invest surplus cash so that you are less dependent on income from work because you are building up income from investments. Passive income makes you less dependent on your employer.

 

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