Happier When I Have No Friends

I don’t have any close friends. I barely even keep in touch with my family. But I feel much happier without friends.

It’s difficult for me to put on paper (or computer) the admission that I don’t have any close friends because telling someone they have no friends is seen as a put down. In our society, having friends is a status symbol. It is a measure of worth. When I tell others I am spending the weekend reading a book, they often say, “You don’t have any friends?” as if there is something wrong or defective with me if I choose not to do something with someone.

Some people call it the “cult of friendship.”

But I do remember the days when I did have friends, but having close friends was not all positive. In fact, much of it is negative.

The main problem is that everyone is an individual. We are all different. However, to bond with our friends, we need to be like them. If they are interested in going to the night club all the time and you don’t like night clubs, then you will not spend much time together, and because your interests differ, you’re not going to have much to talk about, so it’s difficult to bond.

People change over time, so you could be friends with someone, for example, because they are funny and always laughing. But then slowly they may become boring and dull people for whatever reason, and if you want to maintain a bond with them you need to be like them.

With one former friend of mine, over time we had moved in different directions. He had a girlfriend and got engaged while I was still single, and when we caught up there was awkwardness because I just didn’t vibe with his partner jokes and constant talk about relationships. It was a topic I had no interest in.

Friendship then is not really about accepting others for who they are but more about trying to be someone else so you can fit in with them. Either you change for them or they change for you.

Over time, I got tired of changing for other people, and rather than put in effort to maintain friendships, I just let them die, and this allowed me to focus on myself.

Rather than do what other people did because that’s what they expected of me, I looked at what I was interested in. What were my passions? What excited me?

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