Three weeks ago I started using Tinder for the first time. I was impressed with how easy it is to find girls. Given I am an Asian male in my early thirties, Tinder seems to tend to match me with Asian girls in their late twenties or early thirties. Within a few hours, I was matched with about four girls. Like I said, Tinder is easy to use. All you do is use your Facebook account to log in, then you get presented with pictures of girls. You tell the app whether you like the girls by swiping left or right, and then the app matches you to girls who like you, and then you start messaging each other. Make sure your Facebook profile picture looks good because girls will judge you based solely on that.
There is a small privacy issue in that once you are on Tinder, members of the opposite sex who also use Tinder may see you on Tinder, but once you have enough girls you are messaging, you can configure the settings so that no one else can see you. If by chance someone you know can see you, I don’t see how using Tinder is somehow shameful. Just admit it.
I’ll be going to Bali in May, and I will be travelling by myself, so I am hoping I can use Tinder there to find girls in Bali. While in Bali, I plan to stay in my hotel room or go to an internet cafe to work online on my blog, my ebooks, and so forth. However, it would be nice if I can meet up with someone, whether it is a male or a female. One option I considered was staying in a hostel, but the thought of sharing a bathroom with strangers as well as having to sleep in the same room as them–it just doesn’t not sound appealing. I need my own room and my own bathroom!
My date with Kate
Although I had about four to six girls I was messaging on Tinder, I decided to ask a girl named Kate if I could have coffee with her. I like to have coffee with girls because it’s casual and not too serious.
This was the first Tinder date I’ve been to, so I was excited. When I arrived at the cafe, my phone was almost out of battery, and for some reason the Tinder app was buggy. I eventually met Kate. I got her a hot chocolate and got myself an almond flat white.
According to her profile, Kate is 31. She is not the prettiest girl in the world, but she wasn’t bad. She works as a secretary, and she didn’t seem to own a car, which is why she requested that I drive to a cafe near her place. She has also travelled all over Australia, to Europe, and even Asia. She loves scuba diving. After the date she seemed keen to see me again and suggested we watch a movie.
The next week, Kate and I went on a dinner and movie date. We met in the city and ate at a restaurant there. I told her that I was vegan and so needed to eat a vegan burger while she had chicken fingers. After dinner, we went to the cinemas to watch a movie.
When we separated, I wanted to give her a farewell hug, but she didn’t seem keen on it and seemed to run off, which I thought was suspicious.
Kate seemed like a nice girl. She wasn’t the sort of girl who spent too much. She had lots of discount vouchers on her. In fact, she seemed obsessive about discounts. While we ate, the overall price of the meal for two was about $60, but she had a voucher and was able to bring the price down to $30, which I paid for. She paid for movies, which was $20 (with a voucher). Given that I ate out and watched a movie with a girl for $30, I’d consider that good value.
During the date, Kate asked me all the usual questions girls ask guys in order to gauge whether they are marriage material, e.g. whether I plan to buy a house, whether I plan to apply for other jobs, and so forth.
I was keen on moving the relationship with Kate beyond friendship. I suppose I wanted to see how far I could push it. However, after the second date, she messaged me on Tinder and told me that it was over, saying that we don’t have anything in common and we were not compatible. Of course, I may have been at fault because I tried hard to be myself and not conform, and I am a very weird person, or at least I am very different to most people.
Perhaps she didn’t like me because I was vegan. There are many other reasons why she may not have liked me. I remember she asked me if I owned a house, and I told her I preferred to invest in shares and ETFs rather than real estate. She asked me where I lived and what I did on the weekends. I told her that I live with my parents and that I don’t spend much time on weekends socializing with friends. Instead, I prefer to spend my weekends researching the markets and looking for ways to make money online. I talk about these topics with male friends sometimes, and they warn me not to speak my mind when I speak to women during dates.
I could get more friends, become a meat eater, act more manly, and move out of the family home, but I don’t feel like I’d be true to myself if I did all these things. I’d feel like a conformist. Of course, being a nonconformist will necessarily mean that most women by definition will not like you, so that’s just what I need to accept.
I will admit that I am a bit bummed, but it’s no big deal. We just had two dates. She offered to be just friends, but I declined the offer. On Tinder you can unmatch yourself with a girl and she will disappear from the app. I can find another girl on Tinder to be friends with. In fact, that is what I plan to use Tinder for from now on. I will just be friends with girls and not take it any further. Women are notorious for friendzoning men, but I don’t see what the issue with friendzoning women is. I value companionship, and like all men I do have sexual desires, but I believe that you necessarily need one supplier to meet your demands for both companionship and sex. If you want to get heart surgery, you go to a cardiology. If you want to get your car fixed, you go to a car mechanic. Rarely do you see someone who is both a heart surgeon and a car mechanic. For the same reasons, it is inefficient to expect that a wife or girlfriend can provide you with companionship, entertainment, sex, cleaning, and cooking all in one at a good price. The business model of marriage or long-term relationship is about exploiting men’s base desires (hyperbolic discounting) and then using vendor lock-in to extract wealth.
I have learned that if you want more intimacy with a girl, you must pay for it. Women are always looking for opportunities to monetize their erotic capital. Either they will ask for cash directly or they will look for clues of wealth and power and then attempt to extract a portion of that wealth using marriage. Too many men learn this reality through experience and then demand that women have sex with them in return for nothing, which is never going to happen. In order to get along with women, you must make sure that they are adequately compensated. You must accept the fact that they are simply trying to monetize their erotic capital in the same way most people try to make money when they discover they have a talent in, say, programming or accounting. If an employer must pay for the skills or a programmer or an accountant, a husband or boyfriend must pay for for the physical attractiveness of his wife or girlfriend.