Fear of Being Fired and Fear of the Future

Today is Sunday. Last night I stayed up until three in the morning. I woke up today at nine, which means I got six hours of sleep, which is not good. It would explain why I feel so horrible today. I don’t want to sleep in because I know I’ll have trouble waking up early tomorrow for work. I know poor sleep increases cortisol and destroys muscle. I had a lunch catch up with a friend booked in today, but I didn’t feel like going, so I texted him and told him I was busy. I didn’t get into the detail. He seemed cool with it.

It’s all hitting me, I suppose–my girlfriend ignoring me, my career completely stagnating, my lack of sleep, my lack of good friends. I’ve recently been mulling over in my head a new income goal. I currently earn $80k a year in income. About $5k of that is from investments (conservative estimate) and $75k is from my salary. I aim to increase gross income from all sources by $5k per year. This means next year I should be earning $85k and the year after that I’ll be earning $90k and so forth. I can increase my income by getting promotions or progression at work, but if that fails (and it probably will) I can save up more and rely on investment income. I am also going to get serious about starting a side business on the internet so I can earn money online. I need some goal to keep me motivated otherwise I will start to get lazy and depressed.

I’ve heard rumours at work that senior management will fire a few people in the next few weeks. Supposedly they have a few people they want to target. I can only hope I don’t get fired, but even if I do get fired, it’s not like I love my job or anything. I’m not fully certain what I’ll do if I get fired, whether I’ll hunt for another similar job, start over and do something completely different, or fly over to Asia and retire. There are always options, I suppose, so I don’t have too much fear, and I do have savings. I’ve always been paranoid about the future. I avoided marriage, mortgage, and children for this reason alone. This is the thing about the future: it is always uncertain and scary. You want to give yourself the best opportunity as possible to tackle the future. That means you need good health, no debt, and no massive obligations or commitments.

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