Last night I watched a romantic movie called Before Sunrise. It is about a young boy and girl who meet on a train, get off at Vienna, and spend the night in the city before they need to separate from each other the next day. I thought the movie was absolutely beautiful and I suppose by watching it I feel great loss that I never really fell in love with anyone. I’ve been on quite a few dates (most of which are first dates) and had one relationship that lasted for a year, but otherwise I’ve lead quite a simple life. I would love to fall in love like they do in the movies.
Of course, the frugal side of me tells me that just because something is glamorized in a movie it doesn’t mean I should follow it. Movies, TV shows, books, and other forms of art have a way of making you desire things more and creating greater expectations. Greater expectations normally lead you into spending more money than you otherwise would.
Saving up money is simple. You simply don’t spend much. Of course, if it were this simple, why are most people living under enormous debt? I think it is because most people have high expectations. An average person may earn $50,000 per year, but if his expectations are such that he needs to spend $50,000 per year in order to afford the things he feels he needs, he will not save anything. However, if his expectations are lowered. If he were to suppress his desires such that he can live on $10,000, he’d be able to save much more.
Where do expectations come from? There are two sources: internal and external. Expectations can come from yourself when you tell yourself that you need something or that you don’t need something. But expectations can come from others: friends, girlfriends, TV, movies, salesmen, etc.
When we talk to ourselves, we can try to convince ourselves that we don’t need something that we may desire. To react to external influences, we can avoid friends who spend more than we do.
To suppress feelings of love or desire, it is probably best if I avoid romance movies or books. If I keep watching these movies, I desire more.
The point I am making is that love is the tool that other people use to make you desire something, and desire leads to greater expectation, and this normally leads to greater spending. Marketers try to make you love a product so that you buy it. Women try to make you love them so that you spend money on them. It is sad then that in order to be successfully frugal that you must suppress your love. They say love is a beautiful thing, and it can be, but when I look at all the examples of love in the real world, I have trouble separating acts of love from acts of greed, envy, or hedonism. From one perspective, love is beautiful, but look at a different perspective and love is also vile or vulgar.
Can I live a life without love or desire? I doubt it. I am willing to spend money to pursue love, but it must be controlled.